Pressure is on...

Top of the afternoon to you this chilly first day of August...It's been an easy July, can't wait for this year to end. Hey, you remember how when you were little and couldn't wait to grow up? Yeah, it kinda sucks doesn't it? Maybe not for you, but you gotta admit it's not what you expected is it? Yeah, you can drink, watch t.v till late, eat whatever you want and so on,but the pressure of being a grown up is out there.

I first experienced let's call it peer pressure when i was 15, i think i was in form two in high school. So on school holidays, i attended tuition at KTTC in Gigiri. Well, my school was huko in the bundus and here i was interacting with both boys and girls from various schools in Nairobi. On one break from class, this big boy from some school was having his cigarette break, we were just hanging around and he handed me one asking if i smoked. I do not know why i did not say no, but i took it from him and luckily i was saved by the bell and we had to go back to class. In the evening while we were waiting for the bus, he kept asking me to light it, i held him off saying i'd do it the next day. In the bus he made me smell his fingers(Don't ask) It was a pungent smell, one i couldn't identify and he told me it the smell of weed...Boys!!!

The gist of the story is, after i cleared high school, i had this curious, adventurous streak and one evening i went to the shops, bought me one stick of embassy light cigarette, went to my balcony, lit it and had my first puff ever of a cigarette. I can't really say if i liked it or not but when i joined campus i had this habit of smoking one or two dunhills whenever i was out drinking. I can't say i enjoy it, and i really don't know why i did it. I am happy to report though that it's a habit i managed to stop.

We all get caught up in pressure one way or another, that tattoo i got when i was 21. When my pals were so excited to be getting their first tattoos and we all jumped for the idea. That movie your pal says you have got to watch, you know it's not your kind of film but you still sit there to waste your precious two hours sitting through a bogus movie. That random night out, you're broke AF, but still go and use the little you had left, lose your phone and end up not even remembering anything from that night. That guy you shouldn't have dated but went for it anyway because everyone thought he was cute and you two looked good together.

That guy you should have given a chance to, but your girls didn't like him and thought he was a broke douche and you deserved better. That one last shot of vodka you know you can't keep down but with everyone shouting shot!shot!shot! you down it anyway, that baby your boyfriend wants so bad and promises to give you the world, be there for you, and support you and your baby...*sigh*, that friend who just got hitched and won't shut up about what a bliss marriage life is...Well the drinking...that i got myself into :P

The part i hate most though about growing up is dealing with the pain of losing loved ones, people you interacted with on a daily basis are no longer in your life, it hurts and no one prepares us for this kind of loss. It just hits and you realize that that is life and as much as it is unfair, it does go on.  People get married, get babies, others die...c'est la vie!

For those who are married, i wish you blessed unions. Those with babies, good luck with that...and for those who've left us, may your souls rest in peace.

 Keep warm...xoxo!

Of Soul mate Shenanigans...

I am a hopeless romantic, you wouldn't tell just by looking at me though. In fact if just went by the outside look, you'd think i had an ice box in the place where my heart is supposed to be. I am pretty much guarded, that's why but if you get to break down the walls around my heart, you get a really fragile person who truly honestly believes in love and loves to be in love.I am not afraid of love or of falling in love either,that being said,i have been on that horse severally, i fell down most times but got up, dusted myself off and picked what seemed to be a better horse than the previous one. Well, the horse was either too moody, too hungry or thirsty and it dropped me on my ass every chance it got, or i left it by the roadside and decided to walk instead.

A friend the other day asked me if i was dating my soul mate...my immediate response was that did not believe in soul mates. He went on to tell me about a really old couple he knew that had dated since high school and were still together going strong now in their eighties. My response was that that was simply love and a couple who were truly wholeheartedly willing to work at their relationship. He went on to tell me stuff about light being to day and dark being to night, and that subsequently there should be a Y to my X out there somewhere. I guess he is more of a hopeless romantic than i am.

Well, my point in short is, I doubt there is that one person who completes the puzzle reason being i have met people i thought THIS IS IT but alas...Or maybe there is, who knows but i am pretty sure most of us will die having not met our 'significant' other. The trick is finding someone who fits most of what you look for in a mate,they cannot of course be perfect, no one is. Someone's who's imperfections you can live with, it's not as easy as that though, i know people who've met such, dated for long periods of time but it still goes wrong.There is not one manual you can follow as everyone is different, know when to let go as well. Do not let yourself be a doormat. When respect and trust go out the door, make sure you are fast on their heels out too but don't let the door hit you on your way out.

You're allowed to fight for it, but be smart...don't fight blindly, you might just lose your self esteem as your relationship goes down the drain and we don't want that. If it feels too one-sided,when you're doing all the work and it's draining you...it's time to call it quits. You don't have to fight for space in someone's life, if they want you there, they'll put you there!!! It's that simple. It's not the end of the world, i am pretty sure someone is willing to treat you better, your soul mate maybe, who knows?!

Peace...xoxo!

Of my R&R...

Well, hallo and welcome to July! Been a while, i am doing fab just from a relaxing stay in Uganda, had a really good time. When i traveled though it wasn't really meant to be a safari but alas. So i traveled on a Wednesday evening, got to Kampala, Uganda's capital on Thursday morning. I wanted to visit Entebbe first but plans changed and found myself on a three hour journey to Masindi. I got there and there was no cell reception for safaricom calls and it was on roaming which is quite expensive so i figured changing my line to the country's preffered line would be cheaper. First thing i did was check in to an MTN shop, registered for a line loaded airtime and called my host. Wasn't a really long wait before i was picked up, i was hungry so we checked into a Masindi hotel for lunch cum dinner.

Chilled for a while around the town, then headed to Budongo eco lodge in some forest in the heart Queen Elizabeth National park. The place was breathtaking, along the way i spotted lots of baboons and when we got there i was received by really courteous staff, the cabins were exceptionally clean, the place quiet and tranquil...i loved it. There was no cell receptio at all , just lots of trees and butterflies and chimps, lizards and i really don't know how i survived but the environment grew on me. Wasn't hungry so headed to the cabin, had a hot shower and just chilled. 

Friday, i sat by my verandah and listened to the chimps jump from one tree to the next while i read my novel. In the evening we decided to go checkout Masindi night life which is a 45min drive from the lodge.We decided on back to life which is just a local but the music was good. AK47 another club was already closed when we got there, so we bought roadside chicken, ate and headed back. I slept through most of my Saturday, had dinner sat around catching up and called it a night. Sunday, we decided to go for a drive down to Murchison falls, which are a magnificent sight by the way, made me regret why i forgot to carry a camera....who does that?

I decided to try my skills on a 4*4 manual driven car and nearly rolled it over. We took a boat over river Nile to Paraa lodge, breathtakingly beautiful place, we sat by the pool and had a few drinks. We moved over to Red Chilli another really nice camping place had a few then drove back to our lodge. I was exhausted and it was late so i just slept and Mon jus went by so did the rest of the days, i'd wake up, chill, take in the scenery and just have a relaxing time. On Friday though, decided to travel to Kampala, got there pretty late, but since i was in the city got into some bar and decided to drink.

It turned into a fun-fillled night cause we went to Venom a really nice club in the city, then to posh and then called it a night in the wee hours of the morning. Woke up still high and cause i really wanted to visit Entebbe just 34km from Kampala, hopped into a taxi and left. Got there, met my pal and before i could sit or take a breath from the hour long journey we were at a beach having drinks. I loved the beach, man-made or not...it was awesome. We took a trip around Entebbe as my pal showed me around the beaches, we settled for Speenah beach, after a few drinks we moved to the heart of the city to a club called Amazon.

Amazon turned out to be a strip club :-O ha! Don't ask, i had a great time all the same, made a few friends then went home. Next morning, went to Sesse beach, had lunch and i had to travel back to Kampla because my bus was leaving that evening.  I have been to Uganda three or four times before but this hands down was the most memorable. I have to go back really soon, for now...back to reality. Keep warm...xoxo!

Could I speak?

I wouldn't call myself a feminist, not really...but i do know my rights and of speech is one i don't like messed with. I am not the talkative kind either but when something needs to be addressed, rest assured i will address it. I am all for women and their right to speech, we are in the 21st century and i believe any woman as much as any man deserves a say.

That said, I don't believe women should not have a say when a man is speaking, not speaking like catching up, I mean when there's a misunderstanding and the man is doing all the talking. I get defensive most times in arguments, not in a guilt trip kind of way but in an emotional way. I get so engrossed in putting my point across, i usually even forget the environment and who it is i am arguing with.

Take for example my old man, I wouldn't call him a male chauvinist, but he is hella old fashioned. What he says goes, no arguments no nothing. While growing up of course you'd be a little scared and all you were taught is to obey your parents which i still do. Nowadays any time we get into a heated discussion, he thinks I am being disrespectful and my mum could even ask me to stop talking back. The more i try to explain, the worse it gets, cause sometimes i just don't know when to bite my tongue and call it quits.

If you ask me though, i don't think i am talking back. And i don't get why i can't just put my point across.
I always loved debates in High School, and the back and forth always excites me. Start an argument, i'll finish it for you. I am not good with fists maybe that's why my tongue is endowed. I don't start drama but i sure as hell can finish it. I don't take shit(pardon my french) from anyone, not especially men. Call me sexist if you want...

If you say the wrong thing, i will definitely call you out on it and it might get ugly especially if you get loud. If you haven't seen that side of mine yet, you're probably a darling and haven't said the wrong thing to me just yet. If I walk away, you're just not worth it.

Later..xoxo!

The Quiet Life...

In my post on simple etiquette, I mentioned how much I relish in my space...yeah? I don't think you realise just how much, introverted much! I have come to the realisation that i am a bit of an introvert, no...I am an INTROVERT! Don't run, lol...it's not contagious and certainly not a disease. I just enjoy the quiet life, moments of silence and I definitely enjoy time to myself by myself (definition by Isabelle's Dictionary).Before I get into it though here are a few myths about introverts:

•  Introverts are shy 
  
• Introverts are self-absorbed and don't care about others
• Introverts hate being around people
• Introverts are nervous in social situations
• Introverts are insecure
• Introverts are socially awkward

2013 for me began at a low note, it picked up though but with every passing weekend i found myself at home either reading a book, magazine, on Facebook/Twitter, blogging, filling in crossword puzzles and sudoku or watching a feel good movie and this has been my life these past four months.I don't differentiate weekdays from weekends and I can actually count how many times I've been out partying. This a few years back would have not been the case, my weekends began on Thursday and ended Monday!

I was at the mall the other day with my cousin and after purchasing a few items, we went to check out and there stood this tall glass of water. We kinda locked eyes and i immediately dragged my cousin from that till to the next one and she was fuming cause that was the shortest queue we'd left. She asks why, i explain and she drags me back behind the eye candy. I had to stand there awkwardly avoiding eye contact which he tried to get but unfortunately i could not get myself to look at him. A while back i would have marched up there with all the confidence i could master, smiling and even stutter a hello...What is not happening to me?

Maybe I've always been an introvert, it's just now that I am accepting it and getting comfortable. I saw a pal of mine last week i hadn't seen for a while, he said I had grown and swore that he meant it as a compliment...yeah right? I still don't believe him. He explained that from the way i talk, to the way i carry myself to how i text showed maturity. As compared to the me he knew, it was a big change. He added though that i looked sad and this struck a cord.....I used to be a bubbly, confident, easy-going girl who loved to have herself a good time. But, to be honest i actually enjoy the quiet life now, i may miss young, wild and free me sometimes, but when all is said and done...think i've been there, done that.

Here are a few ways of how to deal with introverts:

1. Do not ever rebuke us in public or you and I are done.... forever, and I mean it.

2. Sometimes we just get totally flustered and want to give up, but that's not the time for lectures, theology or your super-awesome advice. You don't have to say anything, just be there.

3. We use less words and we don't always use them well, but if we chose to spend time with you, that means we care.

4. Sometimes we are just moody, it's not depression or anything like that. One word...space, give it to us, and lots of it.

5. Don't be offended if we don't reply right away, we see that facebook invite to an event but we'll let it sit there and think about it before we respond. We do the same with text messages, emails, phonecalls and you showing up at the door.

6. Don't be offended if I'm being extra talkative or friendly with someone else, we interact with people in different ways.

7. We get super tired around a lot of people. My limit is about six hours and then I actually tune out and get bored hanging around human beings. My sabbath rest is leave me alone time.

8. We can do anything extroverts can do, even give speeches with time and patience. We are much more methodical and like to think and process things. Our silence doesn't mean we are not listening, we'll talk when we dang feel like it.

9. We actually like to listen unlike extroverts who like to monopolize conversations.

10. It's great how extroverts express themselves during worship. But we sometimes just read the lyrics, connect inwardly and keep our hands to ourselves. If you see me raise even one hand and sing a few words, I am seriously pushing the gas pedal all the way to the floor.

11. If i don't answer the first time you call, I won't answer the second time you call 30seconds later. If you call a third time, i'll answer but it had damn well better be an emergency.

12. "Since you are not doing anything".... Correction, sitting quietly and staring into space is doing something to me. It does not mean I am waiting for a nice chat.

13. "May I join you?" Um...no! (But sometimes yes) Good luck making sense of that.

14. "I invited a few people to join us, hope that's ok"...It's not really, but there's nothing i can do about it now.

15.  Most introverts are quite happy in their introverted world, don't try to change them. Remember, they don’t get energized by being the life of the party like you do.

That will be all lovelies...Keep warm! xx

Of Relationships...

I don't know much about relationships, seeing as most of mine have crashed and burnt, but then again no one does really. Even the self or accolade professed gurus...most of the time their advice is based on probability and not real life par se. There are things you come about in your daily day to day relationship life that no one forewarned you about!

Well, ask anyone what the most important factor in a good relationship is, and most of the answers will be sex. According to Ciku Kimani of the Daily Nation, trust, communication, openness, love and sex are the factors.You wouldn't be able to love someone you don't trust, and communication is only easier between friends plus sex is only enjoyable if couples are open with each other.

So if you have all these is your relationship safe? I don't think so. That brings me to the whole point of jotting this blog post on a chilly Friday evening. Comes the part where no one tells you about, that a relationship is like a car. It needs regular servicing, oil checks & oiling, alignment, and all that garage gibberish. Well, it's not just take take take, it's a take-give kinda agreement. A relationship is work in progress and couples only realise this after the honeymoon phase is over and shit just got real.

Just when you think you have bagged the love of your life, their little annoying habits come out to play. The snoring, the mood swings, skeletons in the closet, same boxers on day three of lounging, the drinking and an assortment of other stuff. Anyway, my point is, people are different and the movies and motivational books cannot teach you how to deal with each and every person.

Sometimes you just have to go out there blindfolded, grope in the dark, and fall a few times before you can stumble and stand again. Every situation for every individual is different, you could ask for advice from your close friend or find someone to talk to but keep in mind we don't all go through the same situations. You at the end of the day have to decide your fate.

Life is not a bed of roses anymore now is it aye? Hey, but then again...what do I know?!

Oh, swithched off both my lines for a week, taking time out from everything and everyone including social network indefinitely...If it is that important, E-mail me @isabel.mboche@yahoo.com.

Later lovelies, and keep warm...xoxo!

Double Standards...

Double standard by wikipedia definition is the application of different sets of principles for similar situations, or two different people in the same situation. Blog post sparked by the uproar by religious leaders to ban the 'weka condom mpangoni' advert!

After a short stint of controversy, the advert which has been sponsored by USAID and highly popularized by Classic 105's Maina Kageni was pulled down and banned. I however feel that the condemnation of the advert was uncalled for as i think all of society is trying to run away from reality. Plus it's a tad bit bias seeing as no one complained when Jimmy Gathu's advert 'wacha mpango wa kando' advert was overplayed on every local station.

 In the fight against HIV/AIDS, the advertisement of contraceptives has evolved since its inception, with latest condom ad fueling uproar from the clergy. The culprit this time is none other than the ‘Weka Condom Mpangoni’. The men of the cloth say the advert advocates for sex outside marriage, and portrays Kenyans as an unfaithful lot. The National AIDS and STI Control Programme (NASCOP) however says that what the advert portrays is real and not an exaggeration.-NTV

I think women should be given enough info, if anything at all the advert was in the least advocating for the use of condoms.Let's face facts here, no matter how many times Gathu says 'wacha mpango wa kando' for some it doesn't work that way. What choice are we left with then? Weka condom mpangoni! Don't get me wrong, I am not at all advocating for infidelity but when it comes down to it, most of our society is adulterous...yes I said it!

My next ball of contention is the man who drinks like a fish all day everyday and swear to never ever go out with a girl who drinks; What horseshit!!! I am appalled, and ask why he wouldn't date a girl who loves her drink, the pea brained idiot says because then the lady ceases to look like a responsible woman who would bear kids! 'And you dimwit? Who do you look like?' Please, save him now....I speak for the ladies who love their drink, we can drink responsibly and stop for nine months to carry your babies...cut us some slack!

Then the men can do casual dating, and no one will even say a word...In fact he will get high fives from his buddies. But when a lady says that she is casually dating, she is immediately labelled as a slut.

Men are meant to do the chase, they are predators and the female are prey. Dare you try to change the status quo and you are labelled as loose.

It's cool for men to smoke, but disgustingly ugly when a woman does it....I only quit for health reasons, but if lung cancer did not exist I'd still smoke to prove a point!

Have a Blessed Easter weekend beautiful people...xoxo!