Revealing moment....

I had a really long night yesterday, partly because I was heart broken, other part was insomnia as a result of the former. But as they say...However long the night, the dawn will break. -African Proverb.

I was supposed to be up earlier, opened my eyes at 9am but managed to finally drag my lazy ass out of bed 3hours later.  As usual, first thing i do is check twitter, then facebook play candy crush till i have no lives left then watch C.I as i wait for more lives. I managed to make tea for the guy planting flowers around the house, had a glass of water since i am not a breakfast type of person and sat back to watch telly flipping channels. At about 1pm, i prepare lunch for Joseph(gardener) and continue to just chill.
I hear the main gate open, peep and see no one and figure it might just be my mum,dad or bro. There's a knock on the door a few minutes later, peep but see no one, so I decide to open and there stands three little girls inquiring if my mum is home. Well, i tell them she's out at the salon and don't know when she'll be back and curiously ask what they wanted. They say they just came over to say hi, and that she's their aunt and tell me to tell her that they said hi when she gets back. And with that they turn to leave, I ask for their names and say goodbye.
I go back to my candy crush game, then there is another knock. They want water to drink, i usher them into the house and come back with three glasses of water. Now it's time for small talk, ayayai!
I ask how they got here and they say they walked and i ran out of things to say watch telly as we sit there awkwardly. An hour later, they are still there so I call my mum and tell her of her visitors. She asks if they've had anything to eat and am like no, there's no food in the house. Blah, blah, blah...minutes later i decide to go get fanta and cakes. Before i leave, they ask me to leave the tv on cartoon network which I do.
I rush to Nakumatt TRM, and because i didn't want to have to leave the house again, decide to buy stuff for supper as well. Rush back home and find my old man serve the girls and go start to prepare supper. Now the girls have gotten really comfortable a whole 360 from the shy girls i first met at the door. They are loud now, touching this and that, running all around the compound playing with everything outside. The remote is in their hands, they want to play computer and phone games, take pics and scroll through everything.
Amazingly, they are on facebook, they can play candy crush, google the shortest man on earth, even overheard them discuss the police woman in a tight skirt, scroll the internet and share their views on certain things, furniture is strewn all over and my mood is soured. Now they are spending the night, i pray i survive it. I really don't want kids...REALLY!
I am out...xoxo!

Mid-Twenties crisis

I swear I had it all figured out but ever since I entered the second quarter of my life, CONFUSION GALORE!

Symptoms of the mid-twenties crisis can include one or more of the following: signing up for interminable work experience, doing a Masters, quitting your job, dumping your long term other half, doing an art foundation degree, flying to Mexico, re-evaluating your sexual orientation, becoming an actor or model, squatting or moving back in with your parents. Those are just the symptoms exhibited by my immediate social circle.

Remember when life was simple? Now you feel stuck between your childhood and your adulthood. You constantly compare yourself to your friends who are your age…Everyone’s married already! Or your parents when THEY were your age, they had kids (you) already! They had a house!

You can’t stop thinking about how this isn’t exactly where you pictured you’d be at 25, or 30. Maybe you don’t have a significant other. Maybe you’re not exactly in your dream job. Sure, you were never a “white-picket fence” person, but you thought you’d at least have SOME of your shit together by now.
The young of your species used to be straightforward: they were gross, vomity, screamy, expensive balls of dribble. But now, your feelings towards babies have become seriously conflicted. And whilst the first thing you think of when you see babies now is still ‘NOT YET’, you’ve begun to feel a little stirring somewhere below your belly button when you see the offspring of friends and family gurgling away in their prams.
You’ve come to realise that actually, babies are just slightly less hairy, slightly more terrifying puppies. And you sort of want one…

Going out clubbing seems less and less appealing, you feel increasingly alienated and you no longer feel shame about spending a night in by yourself; in fact, you might even start to prefer it. And now you’re panicked that failing at one thing means you’ll continue failing and fuck up your life in some irretrievable way.

 Maybe you’re not quite ready to take ALL hookups off the table, but if you’re single, you might be feeling increasingly unfulfilled by dates or encounters that lead to nothing. If you’re in a relationship, you might be questioning if you really want to be with this person long-term — and maybe even debating whether it’s too late to find someone else.

One minute you’re embracing the desire you feel to grow up, settle down and get a stable job/partner/life and the next, you’re shouting at your mother down the phone: ‘I’m 28 years old! I don’t have to make these decisions for YEARS! I don’t need to settle down – in fact, I might go and live abroad for a while!’

Enjoy the Friday lovelies...xoxo!

Life Lessons...

Of things no one tells us about; no matter who tries to teach you lessons about life, you won't understand until you go through it on your own!

I finally tried the quail egg, doesn't taste any different from the normal egg but there was a slight whiff of bird poop, no? Maybe it's just me. Well, now i feel wiser, looks like all that has been said about that egg is true...ha! Again, boredom in a jav on Uhuru Highway inspired this post.

1.Love doesn't come easy, it needs work and lots of give and take. Unlike love for our parents where most of us just receive and most times is unconditional, love for your significant other can suck balls at times especially with the disagreements.

2.No one tells us just how much heartbreak hearts, or how empty loss of a loved leaves you, or even how much child birth hurts( still not certain how much by experience, but from hear say, it is pretty much!)

3.Pretenses in relationships and especially marriage become a normal thing after some time.

4.Friendships and relationships don't last forever, cherish them while you still can because people tend to grow apart a lot!

5.There are no perfect relationships. At least now they tell us to work on an imperfect one to get there, but a heads up would've been nice.

6. You can forgive a cheating spouse, it is normal. Many people do it, FOLLOW YOUR GUT FEELING,at the end of the day, only your happiness matters.

7.Take it from me, soul mates don't exist. Explain how you break-up with someone you believed was the one,only to fall head over heels with someone else?

8.Forgive, forgive, forgive and if you can, forget. Only way to be truly happy!

9.They tell us to be friends with the good people and leave the bad ones. Now I know how to find the good in people and ignore their bad traits.

10.Don't be the planner type, wing it most of the time i.e just go with it.

And do listen to your parents, almost all they say about life is true! "television will still be there,even better after you finish school" is a memorable line from my ol' man, didn't buy it then, but i sure do now.

Other people's thoughts...

1.Time has a wonderful way of showing us what really matters.

2.You can keep going long after you think you can't.

3.Forget what hurt you, but never forget what it taught you.

4.Follow your heart, but take your brain with you.

5.Positive thoughts generate positive feelings and attract positive life experiences.

The Age Factor...

I have never put that much thought into age, I just lived my life celebrating birthdays and life just went on. Yesterday though someone said i was old...whoa? The nerve?! Ha, it kinda got to me but i got over it cause truthfully speaking age-wise, I am old come to think of it. I don't hate it, but I am definitely conscious about it now...Thanks a lot! And seeing as I am to turn a year older in exactly 21days, this post is truly inspired.

Two people I greatly admire are George Clooney and Lisa Raye McCoy who seem to age oh, so gracefully....

George Clooney is 52 and rocks that suit like a 20 something year old.

While Lisa Raye is 46 going on 50.

Gist of the story is that as I was stuck in traffic today for over two hours on Lang'ata road (SMH), I got bored and started to do my random observations of the people in the jav. Next to me on my left was an older woman, maybe in her fifties. First thing that caught my eye was the fact that she was reading a book.I love to read so anyone else who reads automatically becomes an object of admiration to me. I struggled to read the title of the book she was reading, but couldn't. She put it away for a while, then the driver instantaneously pumped up the volume of the radio, as usual, Classic 105 was the station. 

It was just beats at first and i could have sworn i knew that song, but the woman in sync with Carl Douglas hit all the notes right and loud..."everybody wants kungu fighting..."I was amazed to say the least, she went on to sing a few lines here and there shaking her head and snapping her fingers. For a moment I sat there admiring her in awe, first thought that came to mind was how at ease she was and that translated to me as a stress-free person, she looked happy. After a few, she brought out her book again. I was really curious and would do anything to see what the title read...and what do you know? It was in German! 

Now i am really challenged, here I am a twenty-something year old, who prides herself in speaking just two languages while this woman can READ a foreign language and sing along to songs of her time in ways that make me want to be 50...ha! Reminded me of another woman i met late last year, she had just turned fifty and oddly enough we became sorta friends. You ask how? She's a free spirit, she sings out loud when she hears her favourite song, she dances in tune, she's random, she loves to eat out and travel, she has a good body, she works out, rocks jeans and puts me to shame! She enjoys her tusker malt once in a while and she likes to talk and make jokes and she laughs. Her smile is genuine, it comes from her heart, she has a good heart, a generous woman and I want to grow to be just like her.

I gave this story to one of my friends and she told me that the woman was happy because she was single and that men make their women age from stress. I don't know how true this is, but my friend is single yes...I think the liberation works for her! Hmm...food for thought!

Happy End Month...xx

On matters of Sexuality...

I am back, it's been 5 months I've been away, no good reason really just going through life. Ola!

With people coming out of the closet in the recent past, it finally gave me something to write about. Well, Binyavanga is not the first gay i know. I don't know many gay guys either but I have seen my fair share especially at clubs Envy and iClub both in town. I don't have a gay friend and that said, i am not a homophob either. Fact is, i am indifferent which brings me to my point today of who really cares what your sexual orientation or preference is? I DON'T.....

Well, not unless you are trying to hit on me. I am straight, i am attracted to the opposite sex seeing that i am female, i like males. It just comes natural and i wonder if the world would be interested in a story of how straight I am. I f not, why does Binyavanga think we are in the least bit interested in his personal life? My two cents, he should just stick to writing books, I hear he is quite the literary fellow. I haven't read any of his books yet but guess what now i am curious. Which gets me to think whether or not this is what he was aiming for with his public 'coming out'.

I am irked more so by how the media embraced this shenanigans and gave it the time of day even gracing him with an appearance on tv to just tell us about his orientation. I don't get it, why do we care? People chose who to love, some are straight, lesbians, gay and others bisexual but that doesn't really call for you to announce to the whole world. It is different we all know, and we should just accept it in hush tones and move on. I am feeling for the future generation and what they must think now? Oh, it is normal...

It is not easy, it was in fact really ballsy of him but wasn't it enough for him to know and love his preference instead of letting us all in on his little secret? Anyhow, i know i am treading a thin line here, but my point is we all can come out of the closet but we don't. We know our preferences, we love and enjoy them privately and you should do the same! Keep your private life private...

I am out, promise to come back more often...
Peace! X